❀ Memory 11: Significant Negative

[mysong]

Before facing Kouji

Earned: Day 168 morning from Sea-Witch and Hook's deal game.
Taken: n/a
Shareable: Yes. 4/4 uses.
Form: Jar of smelly dead fish; delicious.


The Memory Itself
6:57 to end and Start to 7:45

"I'm back," I call out, letting them know that I'm not a stranger, then I go down into the basement where they're hiding.

"Welcome back. Were you okay with the car?"

"It was no problem at all. I've figured out how to tell which roads are one way. As long as I keep my speed down, there's nothing to worry about. So, how are things here?"

"I took a look around. As I thought, there's no sign that anyone's been here since then. This place is safe."

"I see. I hope it stays that way."

I'm a little worried that this abandoned building could become a hangout for biker gangs or homeless people.

"It's probably because of all the trash piled in front. Most people won't get anywhere near that, don't you think?"

"Hmm......"

It doesn't bother me at all -- I rather like it, in face. Well, I suppose that normal people wouldn't.

"So, how was your shopping? Did you find something good?"

"I sure did."

I proudly unwrap the weapon I just bought from a camping goods store -- a one meter long wood-chopping axe. I chose the biggest, sturdiest one I could find.

"Knives with blades longer than fifteen centimeters are illegal, the sign said, but they were selling these right next to it. Pretty silly."

I grip the axe with both hands, feeling its dependable weight, and swing it like a baseball bat. With deadly force, the steel blade sweeps through the air right where a person's neck would be.

Yoh, lying huddled on the floor, flinches in terror at the howl of the axe as it slices the air.

"How sharp is it? Want to test it on Yoh?"

"No, that'd be a little......"

I definitely wasn't expecting Saya to say anything so brutal.

"You don't need to worry. Yoh's new body can heal pretty easily from cuts and such."

"Even so. I'm sure it'll hurt."

"Oh...... Yeah, I guess you're right," Saya replies, as though it had completely slipped her mind.

"But......" she continues, smiling bashfully at the oblivious Yoh. "Her voice when she's in pain is pretty adorable, you know?"

"Well......I just wouldn't feel right cutting a human with an axe."

"Really? Then, what about Kouji-san?"

"That's simple--"

It should be obvious, but I guess that Saya still doesn't understand.

"--I don't see him as human, so I'll have no trouble chopping him up or crushing him to a pulp."

"Hmm, that really makes a difference?"

"Yeah. Humans have a conscience, after all. No matter how much you hate someone, you can't help but think twice about killing them. And that's how I'll win."

"......Really?"

Saya seems awfully subdued. I guess she's concerned about what'll happen when I have it out with Kouji.

"He's bigger and stronger, so I might not have much chance of beating him in a straight-up fight. But, what's just 'slaying a monster' to me is 'murder' to him. This is big. He'll definitely hesitate at the last moment."

"I'm...... a little worried, you know," Saya says softly, staring at the floor with unusual gravity. "With that kind of psychological warfare, nothing is certain......"

She raises her head and looks straight at me.

"Hey, don't you think it'd be better if I hunt him?"

I appreciate Saya's consideration. Even though it could be interpreted as her having no faith in me, she's still putting my safety above hers.

Nevertheless, I can't accept her heartfelt suggestion.

"With your strength, you might be able to overpower a girl like Yoh, but I think it'd be hard for you to take down a guy."

The bitter memory of Saya being raped by Suzumi is still fresh in my mind. Saya falls silent for a moment, seeming to understand what I'm thinking, but then comes right back to stubbornly press her case.

"My first surprise attack against that man went fine, though. Most humans go limp as soon as they see me, you know. It was the same in the hospital. You were the only one who was able to talk to me."

"Hmm...... Well, I guess you have a point."

I can't imagine it, personally, but I suppose it's possible that Saya's appearance is shocking enough to make someone lose their morale.

Suzumi was able to gain the advantage because he had the same condition as me, which let him see Saya as a cute girl.

Fear doesn't necessarily make people weaker, however. Depending on the situation, it can even send someone into a berserk rage and make them harder to put down.

In other words, such a tactic would be the same "uncertain psychological warfare" that Saya's worried about.

"Alright, Saya, how about this--"

When I tell Saya the new plan that just popped into my head, her gloomy expression instantly becomes a bright smile.

"That's perfect! You're so smart, Fuminori!"

"Not really......"

It's not really a great plan, but I guess the fact that it lessens the risk for me is enough to excite her. She's so easy to please -- but that's cute too.

"So, when's Kouji-san coming?"

"I got a call from him this morning. For now, I've sent him to an unrelated place. I'm thinking I should shake him up a little."

"It'd be best to take care of him after it's dark, don't you think?"

"Yeah. When the time is right, I'll lure him here and finish him. No one will notice anything if we do it here."

"We're finally going to get another human's meat, but it's just going to rot here. There's no refrigerator."

"Why don't we use it to trap other animals? It could be bait for stray cats or crows--"

"That's too dangerous. If they somehow get away with the meat, someone might find it and make a lot of trouble."

"I see. That's true."

Humans are extremely dangerous, and their filthy, stinking bodies make me sick just by being nearby...... Ironically, however, nothing tastes better than their meat. I truly regret having to leave behind everything in our refrigerator.

"Well, there're a lot of animals living in the forest around here. I don't think we'll have any trouble finding food."

"We have three mouths to feed. Are you sure?"

"Leave it to me. I may not look it, but I'm good at hunting. I'll be sure to get lots for us."

"Okay, looks like you're going to be the breadwinner of this family."

Saya giggles happily at my praise. I find these childish qualities of hers adorable.

"I wonder how long we'll be able to relax this time."

Because of the casual way she says it, I almost miss the emptiness to which her question leads.

"How long...... I wonder."

Saya's right.

This......won't last forever.

No matter how safe this hideout might seem, we will have to abandon it eventually. Just like when I failed to silence Kouji, the slightest mistake could put our life together in jeopardy.

Some dumb kids might decide that this old ruin is a good place to test their courage, or this land might be targeted for new development.

In order to be together with Saya, I have chosen to live differently than other people. We will probably never be able to find peace in this world teeming with humans -- not unless we somehow escape from it.

"-- I think it'll be a long journey."

I pull Saya into my arms and fold my hands around her slender shoulders, then whisper, "But, life is like a journey anyway. Nothing stays the same forever. The only question is whether you watch time pass you by or are swept up in its flow."

"I guess you're right."

Saya smiles softly, perhaps in resignation, perhaps in sadness -- either way, there is peace and contentment in her expression.

"We'll be together, though...... so I'm not lonely. You're not either, are you?"

"No."

I have no regrets.

As long as I can hold Saya in my arms -- I will gladly pay any price.

"And besides," she adds brightly, as though trying to cheer me up.

"I know that, one day, we'll be able to live without hiding from people. I can promise you that."

It sounds like a fairytale, but, for some reason, she seems almost absolutely certain.

"That day might be tomorrow, or it might be far off in the future. Even I don't know when the sign will come. It's my first time, after all. I'm...... a little bit scared."

I have no idea what Saya's prophetic words mean, but this isn't the first time that she's said or done something mysterious. She's performed unbelievable miracle any number of times.

"So...... there's hope for us too?"

"Yeah," Saya nods cheerfully.

"I'm sure that it'll be my last present to you, Fuminori. My first and final duty."

What Saya learns:

❧ They had to leave home because of someone named Kouji...?
❧ It's easier for humans to slay a monster than to kill another human being. (Does Fuminori only like her cause she looks human to him...?)
❧ ...They kept Yoh after they finished changing her. And Fuminori doesn't want to axe her.
❧ She can hunt. But eating humans is dangerous cause that causes trouble. Apparently this was true back home too.
❧ Despite everything, she wanted to be with Fuminori, so they wouldn't have to be alone. One day they will live in a world where they don't have to hide. It'll be her last present to Fuminori. Her first and final duty.

What this means:

THERE'S A LOT IN THIS MEMORY and it might make her consider going home (though it is not yet an option for her). There's some...unsure feelings about the fact that Fuminori just admitted that he'd kill a monster and not feel bad about it, when Saya was right there in front of him, but the memory continues on with how much she loves and cares for him. Jay has said that someone like that wouldn't be someone worth it but still...There'll be a lot of conflicted feelings on that front.

On another front, this also directly contradicts what happened in Odile's game! She was the only one in Jasper to receive a crown and she got it in the first round. A lot of people voted for her to help her out so they clearly don't see her as just a monster. She might adjust her trauma game tactics accordingly, if there's some way that her being 'a monster' could work to her advantage, but her experiences in Aather have led her to relying on her natural cuteness and charm to get through things versus trying to scare everyone.

...This is the memory I shouldn't have waited two months to do a write-up for, is ultimately what I am getting at. orz.